Disclaimer: The following topic might be difficult for some people, especially those that are having difficulties conceiving or unable to conceive a child.
A little over 10 years ago I had a miscarriage. It was my first pregnancy and I recall going to the hospital because I was feeling very sick and had a high fever. The doctor asked me if I thought I was pregnant and I said no... He took a pregnancy test anyway and the result was positive. I was so sick at the time, I didn't know how to react at first. I told my significant other that I was pregnant but explained to him that the doctor was concerned that I was possibly having a miscarriage. I followed up with my GYN two days later to check my HCG levels, and they appeared to be going up. But as soon as I got comfortable with the thought of being pregnant, I was told that my HCG level was starting to go back down and I was having a miscarriage. I was a little over 8 weeks along in my pregnancy and I was so devastated! Although it was not a planned pregnancy; I felt so hurt because I always wanted to be a mom since I was a little girl. I fantasized about having mommy and me time, and going on shopping trips with my mini me.
Fast forward 4 years later, I recall feeling sick and needing to be rushed to my GYN's office. I was pregnant again and having similar symptoms from before, but far more painful. I had to go to various specialists and they told me that it appeared I was having another miscarriage. I couldn't believe I was going through this again! I was a little over 30 years old and felt at such a young age I should not be having difficulties with my pregnancies (on an intellectual level, I knew better but not on an emotional one). I recall praying and saying that I was ok with whatever was meant to be, it would be. I understood that miscarriages often times are our body's way of saying that something is not right with the pregnancy. Then I came to a point of acceptance.
I was in and out of the doctor's office checking my HCG levels, sonograms, bloodwork, etc... After several weeks I was in the clear, I stopped bleeding and my HCG levels continued to rise. We kept our pregnancy to a very select few people because I didn't want to have to go through any discussions or have that look if we loss this pregnancy as well. Several months later, we welcomed our little bundle of joy into the world. I was so elated with having a healthy little baby, but I knew I did not want to go through the ordeal of getting pregnant again. As you may or may not know, I have two children... As life would have it, I ended up with having another baby come into my life when my baby was 7 months old (adoption blog post coming soon).
Over the past few years, I've had a few of my friends that have had difficulties with conceiving or going to full-term with their pregnancies. They've all had the similar things in common, working stressful jobs and over the age of 35. One of my friends was in her early 40's, it was her second marriage and they wanted to have a baby through their union (they both had children from previous relationships). They tried IVF for several years, became pregnant several times but were unable to go full-term. After her 45th birthday, she stopped trying to conceive because she said it was becoming too taxing on her body and marriage.
Another one of my friend's was trying to conceive for several years after getting married. She called me one evening because she was experiencing similar symptoms like I did with my first pregnancy. I recommended for her to have her husband run out to get a pregnancy test because I thought she might be having a miscarriage, the test result was postive but unfortunately she was having a miscarriage. After that pregnancy, she tried for serveral years and I told her that she needed to stop trying. I know you're probably thinking or screaming, "How dare you say that!" I explained to her that it was becoming more of a stressful chore for her and her spouse. It was no longer a pleasurable/ intimate moment between the two of them. It was a scheduled encounter, that required measurable outcomes based on their said body temperatures in a specified window of time. None, of the aforementioned sounds arousing for anyone. She was becoming obsessed and it was negatively impacting her marriage.
My friend decided to stop trying... Several months later, she became pregnant! She was able to carry her baby to full term and now has a wonderful little toddler. Since getting pregnant several years ago, she's been trying to conceive again but with no luck to date.
Just recently I was having a discussion with a friend of mine regarding the difficulties she and her spouse has had with several of her pregnancies over the past year. It truly broke my heart! I could see her fears, hopes and dreams she has about having the opportunity becoming pregnant and carry her healthy baby to full term. She wasn't having difficulties with conceiving, but because of her age, she was having miscarriages due to the lack of "viable eggs".
This recent discussion was a reminder to me about my role as a parent and how lucky I was to be able to give birth to my little one after having some pregnancy difficulties. Sometimes we lose fcous and feel frustrated about our many parental duties. Just be thankful that you were chosen for this role. And for those parents that are having difficulties conceiving, I hope that your road to parenthood is not too rough. But while you're on that road, take your time and enjoy the ride. Try not to make it another task in your busy day.
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